It’s currently 1:45 in the afternoon and I’m sitting in my office, feeling slightly ambivalent towards everything I do here. I’ve been meaning to start this blog for a while now, partly as a way to cope with what’s happening in my life, but mostly because I know I’m not alone, and I want those people to find me.
It’s not like fertility issues get a ribbon to slap on your car, it’s just not something people rally around and feel proud to talk about. The network is smaller, more fragmented then other cause-worthy ailments. We’re no AIDS or Autism, there is no cure in sight. It might as well be called the luck of the draw. We blog, we surf the baby and ttc forums, we go to our doctor’s office support groups, but largely, we still feel alone.
That’s what it’s like in the 15%.
I wonder if there’a a handy dandy breakdown of that 15% somewhere that shows what percentage of these couples are under 30. I’m guessing it’s less then half. Being 24 and finding out having a baby isn’t as easy as all your pregnant friends make it seem is like some sort of undocumented level of hell. Yep, that’s got to be it…the 10th level of hell: Being the only person in your circle of friends to never be pregnant. Inundated with pictures of beautiful, rosy cheeked babies on your facebook, glowing pregnancy pics, baby shower after baby shower, it hurts. You just smile and tap your foot impatiently, whens it going to be my turn?
After 12 months of trying, I knew it wasn’t going to be any time soon. There’s something wrong with us. Month after month of perfectly timed baby mambo sessons haven’t yielded a thing except a trash can full of crushed dreams and pee soaked OPKs and Answer brand pregnancy tests.
I took to Google, found myself a fertility clinic, and made an appointment….March 5. I’m nervous and excited at the same time. See, I don’t think the problem is me. My cycles are like old faithful….erm, maybe too literal. How about they’re as predictable and on time as Japanese transit? Works. I don’t have any outward issues like irregular cycles, breakthrough bleeding, pain, anything that would indicate a classic female fertility issue. I’m not overweight (closer to underweight), I get positive OPKs the day before O and 3 days of EWCM. That only leaves one person, my husband.
My money is on low sperm count. My husband is overweight, but not by a lot. He’s made changes to his diet and completely eliminated soda in an effort to make himself healthier. If low sperm count is the cause, how in the world do you help that?! I’m still the one who gets poked and prodded to work around that issue with IUI or even IVF…40% of infertility may be the cause of men, but 100% of women are the ones who have to suffer through it procedure wise. Unless you call masturbating in a cup and having blood drawn “suffering”.
I think that’s a good place to stop for today.