85% of couples conceive in the first year, I am not one of them

Has to be the case, since I’ve had an urge to stomp loudly, wreck buildings, roar, and breathe fire onto all living things without mercy lately.

I couldn’t help myself and took another HPT a day after my last faint positive. What can I say, I just HAD to know if the line would get darker or lighter. Well, let’s just say had it gotten darker I wouldn’t be feeling like Godzilla lately. Of course, it had gotten lighter. It was light as can be the first time, but now it’s practically a ghost line and I’m convinced if I didn’t have such eagle eyes I wouldn’t have even been able to see it. It got lighter, no doubt about it. Suspicions confirmed, the test was just picking up the tail end of my hcg trigger….12dpt!

I ordered myself a big bag of internet cheapies so I can use a real hcg test to test out my trigger instead of using OPKs. I’m just going to stop my progesterone because all it does is leak out and make me mad. Plus I’d like my period to show up on time and get this show on the road. How sad. I knew my first IUI statistically wouldn’t work but odds be damned, I had to be hopeful anyway. I need to stop that shit.

I just don’t GET it! My brain always has and always will be programed for logic. Vulcans have to be a race because I am one! This entire situation has no logic whatsoever. Where is the logic in all of your piss poor friends breeding like rabbits, yet a couple with everything in place doesn’t get squat? THERE IS NO LOGIC! My brain keeps trying to find logic in chaos and it’s causing little shorts and burning out. I do not feel like the same person I was a year ago. I’m pushing everyone away from me. I’m blocking people I’ve been extremely close to on facebook because I just don’t want to see what their precious little piece of crotch fruit did today. All the garage sales I went to yesterday just HAD to be 90% baby items because lets face it, everyone buys new baby items because their babies deserve better then second hand items! And oh no, we can’t donate Jr.s clothing, we have to sell it because it graced our child’s ass and that makes it worth something! STOP WITH THE BABY ITEM GARAGE SALES AND JUST DONATE IT TO THOSE IN NEED FOR GOD SAKES! YOUR BABY IS NOT MORE SPECIAL THEN THE LAST ONE!

The cult of mommyhood is everywhere and you just can’t escape. Babies in commercials, babies on  the sidewalk, babies on your facebook, babies everywhere, babies babies babies! You can’t get a break from it! I can’t be in this society where you can’t be a woman without being a mom. I can’t be in this society where it seems like the most ignorant, uneducated, unwashed masses have absolutely no trouble replicating like a disease, yet me, an extremely healthy young woman with a good career and a husband with the best worker bee genes on this planet can NOT GET PREGNANT. WHY THE FUCK NOT?!  I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I’M GOING INSANE! GRRRRRRRRRRRR ::stomp stomp:: Godzilla unleashed!

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