85% of couples conceive in the first year, I am not one of them

It seems like that is my life motto lately. As much as I want to be 100% all in and be excited, I just can’t. I can’t take that fall. It’s easier to expect the worst and secretly hope for the best. I envy those that can keep their heads up during such an uncertain time.

Progesterone is a crazy drug with lots of symptoms. I’ve been having strange cravings and a voracious appetite lately. Oh goodie I thought, this is a new symptom. Nope, apparently just a progesterone side effect. Incredibly sore boobies. Surely this must be a good sign. Nope, progesterone strikes again. Every progesterone symptom is the same as a pregnancy symptom!

I had a dream Thanksgiving that I took a bunch of pee tests and they were all positive. It was so real….until I woke up. Although I’m refraining from testing every single day, I did take a few tests just to see where my trigger levels were. First was the Monday morning after my trigger, bright positive of course. Next was the following Sunday, 1 week after trigger, light but not a squinter. Spurred by the Thanksgiving dream I tested Thanksgiving morning, 6dp3dt. It was a light squinter. At this point I can be confident any result from my beta will not be the trigger. I hate how my triggers last longer than 90% of women. It makes the 2ww even more stressful than it needs to be.

I’ve also been having a heavy feeling on and off, like period cramps. My cycles are so messed up I’m not sure what to expect. Nora Be gave me a light period every other week, and my last one was October 25th while on vacation. My period is due, and I feel like if I wasn’t on progesterone it would be coming. It’s that type of feeling. I can’t be hopeful with period cramps like this. Beta is on Tuesday, and I’m hoping for the best….but expecting the worst.

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Comments on: "Hoping for the best while expecting the worst" (2)

  1. i think you are so brave for testing your trigger, it would give me such high hopes to see a positive and then when i got a negative i would be crushed. Stay positive my closets friend had cramps throughout her TWW and she ended up preggers and just had her dear baby girl.

  2. Stupid progesterone. Fingers crossed for Tuesday!

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