85% of couples conceive in the first year, I am not one of them

Archive for March, 2014

8 Months and practically a big boy

Parks turns 8 months tomorrow, and the fact that his first birthday is 4 months away astounds me. I swear I just gave birth to him yesterday! He feels more physically mature since last post. He sits all by himself perfectly with no wobble, and even started crawling. He went from his normal shuffling and rolling to popping up on his knees and rocking, to clumsy forward crawling in a span of 2 weeks or so. He still chooses to roll to his destination a lot, but he will force himself to crawl forward as well. As if crawling wasn’t enough for one month, he also began to pull to stand. Again, super clumsy at it, but if put in a sitting position near something grabable, he will try to pull himself up on it, and usually succeed. He will also crawl over to my lap, put his hands on it and raise his butt up into a dog position. If I offer both of my hands to him he will reach for them with both hands as well, grab on, and try to stand up with my help. He’s all about standing up on those wobbly legs these days. His only problem is going from crawl to sit. Once he can master that he has unlocked all the skills necessary to autonomously get himself in any position, including a stand. He will be UNSTOPPABLE.

With crawling comes even more demands on my attention. Parks LOVES cords. Like fuck toys and games, if I left the kid with a pile of dangerous cords he would be in cloud 9. Speaking of which, WTF is up with babies and their innate draw to inanimate objects? I took Parks to a playdate with a friend and he played with a remote while the other baby played with a water bottle. They’re like cats, whatever toys you buy them are no match for a piece of garbage you forgot to pick up. He requires constant supervision, so naturally I look forward to his bed time so I can stare at the ceiling or whatever little pleasure requires no other attention. His naps vary wildly,  up to 4 hours awake and 30-90 minutes asleep. There’s really no predictability with this baby.

I still nurse, still the same old issues with supply, but things have been fairly constant. I think I can pinpoint the issue to the week of my cycle. My supply is down 7-9 days before coming back to normal. Everything I read online says “a few days” of low supply. BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. I’d kill to have only 3 days of down supply. I’m sure it depends on my nutritional state or whatever but I take my vitamins and nurse often and nothing pulls it back up until my body’s hormones get back in sync. It sucks but what can you do. I realize now why most women quit nursing. It’s bull shit! The older they get the more ADHD they get, to the point that nursing becomes an exercise in futility against a baby who’s practicing to run away to the circus. Parks nurses so distracted even if there’s nothing to distract him. He distracts himself with his need to roll at this particular moment. He also seems to nurse exclusively on the tip now and I can hear air escaping frequently. It’s like he’s trying to use my nipple as a straw. It’s annoying an uncomfortable and he refuses to eat properly these days. I just keep trying and make sure he gets his milk.

Food has been good, we’ve even started on table food. I bought him some Happy Puffs and let him feed himself. Once he demonstrated that he could eat them and not choke and die, I started giving him other small pieces of food. He now begs for food like one of the dogs. If I eat anything near him he gives me a hungry face and tries to get something off my plate. I still don’t know when I’ll make the leap off of spoon feeding. It’s comforting to know a number of ounces of solids he gets in a jar vs in the scraps of food I would be feeding him otherwise. Plus I don’t always have healthy, baby friendly options available to feed him like I do from a jar. Jars are just so convenient. He’s still developing pincer grip, he grabs items with his thumb and the side of his fingers, but not accurately. He’s definitely trying to get there and I’m sure he will in another month.

He’s still my crab assy baby, which is draining to say the least. No one understands because if he’s around other people he’s fine! When he’s stuck with me alone all day he gets so fussy and bored. I hate it because I refuse to be a human 3 ring circus for him for 12 hours a day. Being bored isn’t going to kill him. Sounds harsh but I really tend to ignore his bored cries. If he’s fed, napped, and clean, he can whine as far as I’m concerned. His consonant babbling is getting better, but he still chooses to voice a single sound with different inflections to convey his feelings. That sound is “ah”. From a long drawn out ahhhhhh to a short and quick AH he tries to get by with just that one sound. It bothers me because I’d rather him try to use different sounds rather than one sound different ways.

In other non baby related but totally blog related news, I lost my job. Yep, that job, the one I’ve been ranting and raving about since the beginning. Along with infertility, my job presented another source of misery and frustration in my life, and now it too is gone. How do I feel? Conflicted, naturally. Since I am not sure how my employer is going to react to my unemployment filing (better not fight it) I’m going to pull a Forest Gump for the time being. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Rounding the home stretch into 9 months/the last 25%, I’m optimistic. The weather will finally stop being so cold and depressing, Parks is on a fairly good routine, and he’s going to continue getting more mature. We’re planning on moving in the next year, probably back to Florida, so I have a definite out from this awful house coming. Things are finally starting to look up…


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