85% of couples conceive in the first year, I am not one of them

Posts tagged ‘children’

More dreams?

It happened again! More children dreams!

Except this time it was sons, and I had 3 of them. One was approximately 5 and the other 2 were under 3, and appeared to be twins. My brain told me these were my children this time. I remember all 3 of them sitting in the back seat of some non descript car and the 5 year old was saying some very humorous things. I wish I could remember the exact phrase but it was something like “I thought I was going to have a gold record by now but that was back when I was 2 and thought I was a genius”. Doesn’t make much sense but the entire conversation with this child was trying to paint him as astute and intelligent beyond his years. I liked it, I always fancy one of my children will be this way because it’s exactly how I was. The 2 twins said nothing. I remember thinking they looked sort of ugly, like they had pug faces or something with huge cheeks and tiny noses. I figured “well maybe they’ll be handsome as they grow up”. Whenever I have a dream that involves children they all typically follow the same plot line. Children are just there, brain back fills in “oh these must be yours” and dream me says “Oh I guess so huh, makes perfect sense I have a 3 year old out of no where, guess I just forgot!” I usually feel confused, and this dream was no different. That’s what made the dream I wrote about yesterday so different, I wasn’t confused, I felt real love.

That was a brief dream, one of many last night. Another involved renewing my vows with my husband, since we will have been married 5 years in September. I was wearing a big poofy wedding dress and felt pretty happy. My husband looked uncharacteristically smiley and we kissed and had some warm hugs. That was that, I love feeling happy in dreams.

Then the last part of the dream morphed into me being an extra in a Star Wars movie, complete in some sort of drab garment because we were on one of those simple planets. My job was just to walk across this bridge in the background. That was it. Where in the world did such an odd idea come from?

I’m not sure what my brain is doing lately. During the day it must be poisoned with my own doubts and depression. Maybe this is its way of repairing itself and giving me a dose of medicine. Brain is all like “stop feeling like shit all day, I’m going to dream children for you and make you finally feel happy, if only for a few minutes”. And I’m all like “Good looking out, brain”. My brain is like the matrix, lol. Maybe I’ll have another children dream tomorrow! Wouldn’t that be something? I’ve never had so many at one time, I rarely have children dreams but since this whole process started they’ve been slowly cropping up. It’s not hard to see what is weighing on my mind the most lately!

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