85% of couples conceive in the first year, I am not one of them

Posts tagged ‘dreams’

One can dream…

I had a pretty interesting dream last night. I had a child, a daughter, but my brain kept telling me she was mine, and yet adopted? My brain likes to fill in details, sometimes after the fact. This is one of those times where I don’t know whether the dream started out as her being my child, or my adopted child. Same problem with her hair color, I remember both blonde and brown.

Anyway, we were playing at the park and I was just exploding with joy and love for this tiny girl. The feelings this dream gave me were so insanely real. I got the vibe that this girl was 3 years old. I posted a Facebook status that said something like “Just took my daughter to the zoo for the first time today”. It sent shivers down my spine, literally, the words “My daughter”. It felt so real. Then something happened and the dream goes into “shes adopted” mode because the adoption agency takes her back. I guess I only had partial custody of her and the adoption agency had the rest? I remember going into grizzly mama mode and started screaming THIS IS WHY NO ONE WANTS TO ADOPT, BECAUSE YOU GO AND DO SHIT LIKE THIS! I seethed, I vowed to take them to court and get full custody of this child. Then I woke up.

Huh, how odd. Was this a glimpse into my future? Does my brain know something I don’t? Am I going to have to adopt? Go ahead and smite me for my opinions but I balk at adopting. Those of us in the community understand exactly what I mean. The people outside don’t. It’s sad, they think the only people who can or should adopt are people who can’t have their own children. That is the most ignorant statement anyone can ever make. Why didn’t YOU adopt a child? Just because you CAN have your own doesn’t mean you shouldn’t adopt either! Also the adoption system isn’t exactly filled to the brim with rosy cheeked newborns. It’s mostly older children who have “been in the system” far too long. It’s kids taken away from drug addicted or psychotic parents. It’s siblings who refuse to be separated. I don’t feel that because I might not have a child of my own that I need to try my hand at raising someone elses. Single parents are almost en vogue these days. Being 16 and pregnant gets you famous. The times where women feel pressured to send newborns into adoption because of social or religious factors is long behind us. The system has changed completely, and I don’t think the ignorant masses can wrap their brain around that. Also adoption is stupidly expensive. I’d rather spend that money on IVF.

I’m so stressed out lately. I wish future me would come and tell me everything works out in the end.

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