Ah Captain Picard, why can’t you be real?
My consent signing was yesterday. My husband and I were left alone in a room to look over a stack of papers and sign them without them being explained. Most of it dealt with what to do with embryos. It was a no brainer, freeze them of course! The other things could be summed up as “IVF fucking sucks and you’re going to be a crabby witch for a while and that’s cool, just don’t sue us.” There was also a mention about how I’m more likely to die in a car accident in the next year than I am to die from anything in my IVF process. That’s reassuring, I guess?
After I signed my life away my doctor came in with yet another new face. I swear she has a stable of med students that follow her around like cattle. I don’t put any effort into remembering them since I rarely see them twice. She signed where she needed to on my forms and swiftly left, sending in the IVF nurse to give me a live demonstration of injectable meds and go over my calendar of events.
Looks like I continue birth control through 9/27, which is CD28. I’m totally confused since A) I’ve already begun bleeding and B) She handed me 5 extra BC pills because she seemed to think my pack was going to run out on 9/23. I’m on Nora Be, is there a full week of sugar pills on that that I’m not aware of? I was on Yaz years prior and the inactive pills were a totally different color, and I’m pretty sure there were only 5 of them. Whatever, I’ll stop using what is left in my pack on 9/23 and take the 5 extras she gave me. Then I come in on 10/2, CD 3, for the real fun. Ultrasound and blood levels, the usual. I get to start my evening shots of Gonal F and Ganirelix, folic acid supplement, doxycycline twice daily, (purely prophylactic for both my husband and I), aspirin, and dexamethasone, because apparently I am a man. So that’s 5 pills and 2 shots daily. Seems like a lot but not really. ER will be somewhere between 10/11 and 10/14, which would put my 5 day transfer at 10/19 at the latest.
The IVF nurse showed me how to mix my injectables and the right places to stab myself. It didn’t look overly complicated, just draw up X amount of water, mix it with the powder in the vial, draw it back up, push extra out to remove air bubbles and STABBY STAB STAB. Easy peasy right? She kept refering to my husband when she talked about the progesterone shots. My husband immediately bowed out, there’s no way he can do it. He’s incredible squeamish and unsteady. Luckily that is not a problem since my clinic will shoot me up every day free of charge, huzza! I’m not terribly needle shy, but it’s not like I’ve ever voluntarily stabbed myself. It can’t be that hard, junkies do it and they seem pretty shaky. If some crack head can shoot up with a used needle in a rest stop bathroom, then damn it so can I!
I left with a nifty free faux leather travel case for my drugs, my calendar, and an appointment for 10/2. My fee for this appointment? $5,500. My clinic requires payment in full at the IVF consent signing. In my case it’s $4,000 for a baseline IVF and $1,500 for ICSI. Fairly affordable if I do say so. Once my insurance picks it up I should get a check for half of that amount back. I had to max out my 2 credit cards that are always empty, pay 500 out of my bank account, and put 1600 on a joint card with my husband. It WOULD have all been on one card but the lady at the bank is being a bitch. I went in there 10 days before hand to get either a loan or a credit card for the amount I needed. I told her specifically that I needed the money by 9/20 and I didn’t want a credit card unless I could for sure get it in time. We got one before through them and it was approved in 2 days and we had a card within a week. She takes my information and sends it away for processing. I hear nothing ever again. I call her after 2 days for an update and I get blown off saying “yeah it’s in underwriting I’ll let you know BYE”. It’s been almost 2 weeks now My husband and I have stellar credit so I don’t know what the hold up is. What the fuck ever. At least I had emergency space on our joint card to put the extra 1600 that I didn’t have. The cost to balance transfer everything over now will be several hundred dollars so fuck that. I guess I just keep an empty card for next time. Grumble Grumble.
Remember how I was all excited about making and selling my fertility bracelets? REMEMBER? Yeah well that has fizzled. Not a single one has sold and only one watcher on my ebay listing. I know I know, I should be selling on Etsy, and I will. It still makes me sad that no one has bought one. They must be uglier then I thought. I mean come on people, it’s pure sterling silver AND 100% natural gemstones that aren’t dyed OR fake. You can find them here.
So I guess I have another week of freedom before this roller coaster ride takes off. I must make plans to get plastered, since if all goes well I won’t be able to for quite a long time. SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS…..that song has taken on a completely new meaning to me.