85% of couples conceive in the first year, I am not one of them

Posts tagged ‘Struggle’

Tick Tock Tick Tock

I’m so impatient! Tomorrow is my next check and hopefully I’m doing fine and can continue my injections and inch closer to sweet sweet ER day.

I got to start stabbing Saturday. I mixed up my meds 2 hours before I used them. I had my husband watch just so he could see what I had to go through. First Gonal F, no problems, I was surprised at how little I felt. It’s just such a tiny needle and it’s like your body just ignores it. Menopur on the other hand wasn’t as neat and tidy. I forgot to tap air out, which I’m sure is the reason I got a blood drop when I took the needle out….oh and a gnarly bruise.

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It looks worse than it is. I was careful with my shots yesterday and no marks what so ever. I hear that making sure there is no air combined with putting pressure on the site with a gauze pad after injecting is helpful in keeping bruising away.

Menopur STINGS. Also it seems to be hard to press in, which just prolongs the feeling. Definitely don’t prefer Menopur.

I hope everything keeps on track and I get lots of eggies that are mature. I hope I only have to go through this once, I’m so ready for everything to happen, and I don’t think I can wait much longer. I’m just stuck here in limbo waiting to progress to the next stage of my life. I’ve grown considerably in the past 2 years, especially in this last year of TTC.

I’ve made some decisions that completely contradict what I thought I wanted for myself. I feel mature and confident. I know who my real friends are. I know what’s important and what I used to think was important completely isn’t. I feel “grown up”. Having to go through IVF really toughens you up and basically makes you grow up. Dare I say, it’s almost like I needed to go through this. I feel special in a really messed up way. I had to struggle for my baby, I had to know I wanted it more than anything else, at the expense of my sanity, health, and career. It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t a “1-6 months in the making” process. This will be 19 months in the making. It wasn’t easy. Isn’t the saying anything that comes easy isn’t worth having? It almost makes me feel sorry for the women with oops babies or “yay preggers first month off the pill” babies. My baby will be special. My baby was shrewdly calculated. My baby cost me 7500 dollars before she was even born. Only 1-2% of all babies born in a year are IVF babies. Not everyone can say they have a picture of their child at 5 days post creation. I’m feeling “one” with my predicament. I’ve made it my own. I’ve made it a part of me. I don’t think I would go back and change anything. I’m so ready. Just so ready…

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